Growing and Learning

These little sponges amaze me.  When Little Miss got here she barely would even take her middle 3 fingers out of her mouth.  Now she talks and giggles and babbles constantly.  I remember having to count to see if she knew at leasat 8 words at her first doctors visit.  Now I don't think I can count how many words because she has so many.  Her favorites are more, bup(cup), Prince (the cat), and baby.  She loves to play with her baby dolls, play in her kitchen, kiss the kitten, and have bows put in her hair. She will remove the bows or any shoes you place on her feet fairly quickly but she still enjoys them.  

At night I always pray for her before putting her in her crib.  She repeats "Jesus" and "Amen" with me.  She almost always sleeps through the night.  She is not a fan of being woken up.  Her faovrite activity is being picked up or eating.  If she can do both at once she is on cloud 9.

Little Man has a cute vocabulary.  The letter L is a bit tricky for him.  You never realize how many words have an L until you have a 4 year old that cannot pronounce it correctly.  His favorite thing to ask is why.  Isn't that a favorite for every one his age?  He is very inquisitive and also inisghtful.  He notices things in his world that I don't even notice frequently.  He enjoys going on walks or riding his bike if he can. 

Right now his bike is out of commision because he used a plastic toy tool to unscrew his training wheels.  We cannot find the nut he unscrewed.  Stephen's goal this weekend is to fix that little problem.  Maybe we have a future engineer on our hands. 

Little Man loves playing outside and going to eat at resteraunts.  It is a punishment to him if we say we can't go out to eat because of his behavior.  That has happened a few times lately.  He does not enjoy it.  I don't eitther.  I love someone else making my food and cleaning it up.

I work really hard to ensure that most meals are healthy for them.  They both do great with eating.  Little Miss has more than 3 helpings of everything at dinner tonight.  Little Man can be a bit pickier.  They both love fruit and could eat that all day.  It doesn't matter if it is a banana or berries or grapes.  They are both good with veggies too, especially green beas or anything covered in cheese.  

I love that they are both great shoppers too.  I can take them both to the mall and everyone has a great time.  

Both enjoy reading at night before bed, although some nights Little Miss is too tired and fussy so she just goes straight to bed.  If something causes the little guy to not read before bed he gets very upset.  For a while he made us read Dino Trux every night.  Now he has moved past that stage.  He now does this weird thing where he has to read a book from the bottom shelf, place it on the second shelf when we are done, and read another one from that shelf the next day.  Once he has read each book he begins reading the opposite way, always returning the book to the next shelf.  I guess this is his systematic way of keeping track of which ones he has read.  I love it.  I did NOT teach it to him.  He likes doing it and decided on this strategy on his own.  

I could sit here and list a million likes and dislikes of these guys.  I want to so that i can go back and read this later in life.  But I also know that i hve to be up at 5:15 so I can get them up by 6 for school.  So maybe typing for hours on end tonight isn't the best idea.  Goodnight little blog.  

What Is Right Isn't Always Clear

Am I too hard on my kids?  We run a structured house with clear boundaries.  We have high expectations.  While I know these are good things to have in place so our kids can thrive and grow and feel safe I often wonder if it's too much.  Am I asking too much of such tiny little guys?  

Little Man has been having trouble lately.  He loves to yell no.  He likes to refuse instructions at home and at school.  We don't accept that behavior.  He is given choices usually but yelling no is most often not one of the choices he has.  We have consequences for that behavior.  We discuss times when it is ok to say no the adults that are helping keep us safe and teach us.  He still struggles.  We are at a loss for what else to do.  So now what?  Ease up on the little guy?  Stick to our guns and continue frequent time outs?  Is there an inbetween?

When I question this and myself I feel even worse because this is one of those situations where I feel I'd like a mothers opinion.  I have my sister for support.  It is amazing.  I love her and she is always there.  But sometimes a girl just needs a mom, or so I hear.  Maybe missing out on that aspect is what has been getting me a bit down lately.  It is hard being a mom, especially without one.  

There have been times in my life that my aunt or grandmothers have stepped up to the plate.  They didn't have to but they did because they love me.  I am greatlful for that.  So why hasn't anyone now?  The only person from my side of the family that has even contacted us have been my sister.  Nobody else has so much as called or sent the kids cards (excet Little Man's BDay and Xmas).  Why have they left me and my new little family alone?  Isn't beginning motherhood when a girl usually has her families support the most?  Wasn't I the one that threw both cousins wedding and baby showers?  Didn't I go take care of their kids when they were born?  So where is that support when I need it?

But maybe this is just another oportunity for me to remember who has my back.  I keep repeating the verse, I know the plans I have for you.  I don't know why I feel this way, why Little Man is struggling, or why my familt is acting as they are.  But someone does.  And in the end it will all work out even better than I can imagine.  So for now I keep my chin up and keep doing my moommy thing.  I assume what we are doing is best until I realize there is something better.  And I treasure each day with my babies since I dont know how many I have.  

Split

Sometimes I don't know how to feel.  I feel for their bio mom.  She's trying.  She is doing what CPS has told her to do. She's doing her best because she loves her kids.  She's probably not supported by great friends and family like I am.  She may not have much of an education.  For whatever reason she struggles.  

But how can I not half hope she gets her kids back?  She loves them and will do her best to care for them as best as she can.  So many kids are dealing with far worse issues.  

But I want them.  We have loved them from day one. We can give them so much more.  We have the family support, education, and financial means to more than meet all of their needs.  And we can't picture our life without them.  

So what do I do?  Nothing.  There is nothing I can do.  I just wait for whatever our future holds and keep loving them like they deserve.  

It's all in Gods hands which is great because I clearly don't know what's best.  

Roller Coaster

Wow. Three and a half months later and life is great.  Everyone is mostly into routines.

 Little man thrives with them.  Night terrors are short and infrequent for him. He had a tiny rough patch and I predict as different road bumps come along more issues will arise.    Right now he is in love with all things Frozen.  He is also getting good at writing his name, saying his letters, and can count to 11 usually.  He loves to read books and ride his Lightening MacQueen bike.  

Little Missy is a sponge.  She's learning new words every day.  My favorite right now is amen.  She says it after our prayers every night. She likes to talk tell us if she has a dirty diaper but refuses to use the potty.  She likes to make her babies go though.  She's super attached to her bup(cup) and loves being picked up and snuggled.  

We had the best Christmas!   The kids enjoyed the mountain of goodies Santa brought.  Auntie T came over and spent the holiday with us.  Little Man had previously asked Santa for 2 presents.  He more than delivered.  Little Miss even enjoyed opening gifts.  She just stopped and wanted to play with a toy each time she opened it.  

Santa did a good job picking out a gift for me as well.  He bought me a mug that says mom.   How did he know?

We had a court hearing last month.  My MIL came with me.  It was fairly uneventful.  Our next court date isn't until May.  

We still don't have much of a long term update.  Hopefully by this summer we will know more.  

Motherhood

Life is great and crazy and hectic and tiresome and amazing all at once!  I've got my 2 little loves sleeping just a few rooms away.  My hubby has been above and beyond amazing.  I guess I can catch you up on a few details.

Sleep - Sleep is precious.  So previous.  For the first 2 weeks I was getting between 2 and 3 hours of it at night, if I could sleep at all.  My 2 darlings took turns waking up all night.  It was hard.  Really hard.  Finally we have things settled down in the sleep department.  Little Miss still occasionally wakes up around 3 am.  I can usually get her back to sleep by going in, giving her back her snuggler that is probably across the crib, rubbing her back, and singing for a minute or two.

Night Terrors - These suck!  It's not a nightmare.  He never wakes up from it.  But they scare the heck out of Stephen and I.  Little man supposedly used to have them all the time.  He had a really bad one that lasted almost 20 minutes his second night here.  He had another one that lasted less than 2 minutes a few nights ago.  Otherwise as far as we have observed he hasn't had any.  We are very excited.  That tells us he feels safe and is sleeping well.  It also means more sleep for us.  Super Yay!  When he does have a night terror you feel so helpless.  You can't wake him.  You have to stand there and watch him thrash around in his bed and scream.  Mostly he just yells no over and over again.  His tiny body clearly doesn't look comfortable.  We stand next to the bed and make sure he doesn't fall off as he is thrashing around.  Eventually he settles back down and sleeps.  I am so happy that he hasn't had these anymore recently.  I pray they stay away for good.

Counseling - You would think it would be easy to get a kid help if he needs it.  But nope.  It's not.  He previously had a play therapist.  She apparently came about every 2 weeks or so and watched him play at school.  She couldn't tell me anything about him, his needs, her concerns.  She said he played well with the kids at day care.  Obviously I can't keep her around.  I need to find someone that can actually HELP him as he tries to cope and make sense of the craziness he's witnessed lately.  It is ridiculously hard to get a good therapist.  They either don't ever call back, won't see him, or can't see him for almost 2 months.  While I know he is not in any kind of mental emergency there is no way for the counselors to know that.

It took many, many phone calls for me to find a good play therapist.  I will go tomorrow to see her.  She wanted to meet with me before meeting with him so that we could discuss the family dynamics.  Hopefully she can tell me what I'm doing wrong.  Maybe she'll even tell me I'm doing a thing or two right.  We'll see how it goes with her.  I get a good vibe from her.  She has a ton of experience with kids who have experienced trauma early in life, especially those related to foster and adoption.

Day Care - Yikes.  I have to drop my kiddos off every day during the work week starting tomorrow.  I'm a little nervous.  I am also slightly glad I can run errands without them for a few minutes.  I don't start back to work until Monday so we are easing on into this new world.  I will have to have my kids at their school by 6:45 every morning.  I will have to leave here no later than 6:30 with 4 lunches packed and everyone dressed.  I don't know how easy that will be at first.  But we will manage.

I don't know how good this day care is either.  Instead of me visiting several, taking recommendations from neighbors, etc. I had to choose one at the spur of the moment because that is what their case manager needed me to do.  Since we didn't plan on fostering I always assumed I could do day care my own way.  Since we are fostering we have to use the state approved places.  Hopefully all will go well though.  I'm sure it will.

The really sad part is that they can't miss very many days.  So when they have visits I will have to drop them off at date care afterwards.  During the summer I will have to take them to day care, at least for a little while.  Even when we have Thanksgiving and Christmas break I will have to take them.  :(  I guess it might be good for them to stick to their routine.  The good news is it doesn't matter how long I take them.  I can drop them off for lunch and nap time and then go right back and get them.

Naps - This is generally not the same thing as sleep. While I will admit to laying down some during those first overly exhausted weeks sleep is usually not something I get during nap time.  This is my time to get something done.  While I ranges from 1-3 hours and I can't tell which it will be I can usually count on this time to get a few things crossed off my to do list.  Which is great since I usually find a few things to add to it during this time as well.  We will see how much longer I can keep Little Mr. taking a nap.  Sometimes he sleeps now.  Sometimes he just lays there. Little Missy always naps well!

Sick - We have survived our first stomach bug.  Little Missy and I both had it.  It was bad.  We were both sick to our tummies, tired, cranky, and feeling horrible.  But I still had to be mom.  I don't think I would have made it through that nasty time if it wasn't for my hubby, and especially for my sister.

Sisters - Speaking of which, mine is the best.  Not only did she come down and take care of me and my kids when we were sick but she helped me clean and sanitize my house, let me take a nap, and even filled my car up with gas.  She is a rock star sister.  She is also a great aunt.  The kids loved her.  I wish she lived closer so they could get to know her even better.

TV - I'm a huge fan of little to NO TV for my kids.  I have not let Little Missy watch it at all.  I can't lie.  I have used it with Little Man a few times already.  When we were sick and sleep deprived I did let him watch Mickey Mouse (2 episodes!!!) simply so that I could put his sister down for a nap.  I may or may not have fallen asleep on the chair next to him while he watched it.

We also use movie nights as a reward.  Bedtimes have been rough, sometimes really rough.  We began a system where he earns a smiley face if he goes to bed like a big boy.  Once we gets all of his smiley faces he was supposed to get to stay up late.  We let him watch a movie the first time he did that.  It worked so well that we have just kept it up.  As he is getting better and better we are making him earn more smiley faces to get his reward.  So far we have watched the Great Mouse Detective and Frozen, both chosen by Big Steve.

Want more updates?  Maybe I'll try and give you a few more later this week while they are at school.

Update and Smiles!

It happened so fast.  We were told Friday we were approved.  Tuesday they called and made arrangements.  Today we had the best delivery ever, 2 of the sweetest babies ever!  We are all so happy and in love with these little guys!  

Little Missy is all smiles, especially when you have food.  She is learning to say please.  It sounds more like a snake hissing.  I love it. 

Mr. Man was asleep when they arrived.  Apparently waking him up from his short car nap after him missing nap time = Mr. Grouchy!  But we made it through the evening with only a few minor whiney issues.  He enjoyed watching Winnie the Pooh and reading Dinotrucks before bedtime.  I love my little man.

We sent out a letter to our family and friends so everyone is caught up.  They all know we decided to foster instead so that we could care for these little ones, for however long it will be.  

I'm exhausted and know I'll be hearing some cries in a couple of hours so I had better sleep while I can.  I have a feeling it will be hard to come by over the next few days...weeks...years!

Today is the Day Your Have Made

I will rejoice and be glad in it!  Yesterday we heard from our case manager that we are officially licensed as foster parents.  Today we heard that we should be getting a call soon to find out when the kids will officially be placed with us as their new foster parents.  My heart is full!

Tonight we had a great time playing.  Stephen always takes turns playing and reading with whichever kid is not in the tub after dinner.  Then I put the tiny little snuggle bunny to bed with a book and a few songs while he plays with Mr. Independent.  It was great.

We finished our evening off with a little bit of Lilo and Stitch and some Dr. Seuss.  Who could ask for me?

We will see what tomorrow brings us.  For now we are grateful for the time we have with these sweet darlings.

Fire Inspection Done

We are one step closer to be officially licened to foster so tat our 2 sweet loves could come home and become a part of our fmaily in hopes of an eventual adoption.  We are just awaiting final word from both case managers and their supervisors.  We will continue to wait and see.

Unti then I am excited to see them this weekend.  This will be our first full weekend with them.  2 Nights of fun and love!  They will also meet my inlaws.  We will see how that goes.  

I feel that I should be getting extra done at work in case I need to take a week or two off from work.  I would be more than excited about that!

I have begun researching day cares.  We will see what happens.  I'll take my research a bit further once I know more.  

Back to the waiting game...

Let's Get This Party Started

There is nothing like a conversation at 6 am with your husband that will change your whole life.  This morning he said we should for sure persue fostering these 2 love bugs.  I am super excited.  We know that it is not a guarantee.  These babies still have a long road ahead to become legally free to adopt.  At least we can be there for them until they find a forever home, hopefully ours.  

Right now whil they sleep I pray for their future and for ours.  I also look at Pinterest and find cute things we just HAVE to have.  

Our first hurdle is getting the case managers to agree that this is the best choice.  We are not officially licences to foster yet.  Case managers have been emailed.  We will wait and see what the future holds.  Only time will tell.  Until then...I'm off to search for the best high chairs.  We need that one ASAP.  

No Shower and I Don't Care!

Well we made it to Saturday.  When little man saw me he came running for a big hug.  That just made my day!  LIttle miss had the greatest smile when I picked her up.  We have had a great afternoon.  We went to the Pecan Street Festival so that they could go to the petting zoo.  I think they enjoyed it.  We also had ice scream (sno cones) which left the little cuties covered in blue.  

We still don't know what the future holds.  I prayed over both of these lovelies as I put them down to bed.  I pray that they find a safe forever home wherever it is supposed to be.  I pray that if it is with us we can be the best parents possible.  If it isn't with us I pray that I can be strong enough to handle missing them.  I pray for guidance we try and figure out what we are supposed to do.  

Tonight Little Man and I were reading before bed.  He chose one of the Veggie Tales stories.  When I read it to him and it mentioned listening to God he said, "We learned about God at chruch."  Yes, we sure did.  We will learn even more about him tomorrow at church.  I can't wait!

We also were able to spend a little bit of time outside showing the kids the telescope.  I don't really think Little Miss knew or cared what we were doing.  The boys sure did enjoy it though.  For once in his life Stephen took a photo with a kid and SMILED.  It is a miracle.  

Next weekend we plan on having them for 2 nights and taking them to a UT game.  We will see how that goes.  

I had better get to sleep.  Who knows who will wake me up first.  Will it be a cute little girl, a fun little boy, or one of these cats that is getting on my nerves right now?  Either way I know a full nights sleep is not very likely to happen.  I had better enjoy what rest I can get.