I have not updated this blog much because most of the time it is just too hard. I am either angry, sad, or a little of both. The entire process doesn't always make sense to me. I don't always feel listened to. I feel like we are going in circles.
We have went months without hearing much from our case manager. We have inquired about dozens of children and siblings groups. Not hearing a response after a while makes you doubt if the case managers think you will be good parents. Eventually I realized that our case manager may not be submitting out home study when we request it.
Today we did get a phone call. While sitting in a meeting our case manager called. She said that we had been chosen for an 8 year old boy and his 6 year old sister. At first I was excited. I am trying to keep myself calm because I know that doesn't mean I am a mom yet. The judge still has to approve us and we still have to see the kids file to get all of the gory details.
Stephen is a bit worried because the boy has autism. That doesn't bother me. I know we can handle it. He wants to see what his educational goals are right now.
Pray that if these are our children they are kept safe and happy throughout the process. If these are not meant to be our children pray that I have the strength to work through it.
Tomorrow our case manager (says she) will send off our life-book so that their case manager can share it with the judge. If he approves us (which he should) we will be sent their folders to review. I hope this all goes quickly one way or another. It is almost time to start back to school. I want to be sure that they can get settled into their school wherever it may be as soon as it is feasible.
Off to play the waiting game some more. Maybe tonight I can sleep. Maybe not. We'll see how it all turns out!
